Blessing(s) in disguise

So. Few days ago, I wrote about me joining TKD Kemlu, and I t I failed the test. Again. It was the second test I took for joining Indonesia’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs, by the way. And I failed. I cried so hard when I knew this. Hells yeahs, I wept. My boyfriend listened to me crying for minutes (I think it was almost an hour heheh) on phone. It was quite embarrassing honestly.

I regret that I did not prepare enough, not take care of my body enough. I regret that I took things for granted. I regret that I was being careless, slacking off, not planning carefully the steps I had to take if I want to pass Kemlu’s tests. I deeply regret it. But here’s the thing: I’ve got my lessons. Yes, it’s coming like a jab to my gut and it hurts but I slowly realize how I lacked motivations to actually BE there, achieving the next step. I wasn’t really into it, even though I told people I’d given my best and everything. I doubted myself. I did not know what to do, even if I got accepted. This ~failure~ could be some kind of wake up call for me to be more careful planning on my future. I’ve been in this place. I know the drill. I fall and need to get up.

I’d like to thank my boyfriend for being so patient, telling me both things I want to hear (frustrated female’s ego speaking, holla), and things I need to hear (ok this part is a bit sucky but he did tell me good things as to motivate me to be better). I don’t know what would I be without him. He’s there for me, patiently listening to his girlfriend weeping over the phone and maybe yelled at him some times for no reasons. Arditya, thank you for being there for me, accompanying me until you thought it was okay to leave me alone. Thank you for everything you’ve worked for us, thank you for existing. Thank you for loving me.

Just when I thought today was the worst day of my 2013, then I suddenly remember I still have someone who accepts me as I am and not leaving me when I’m in need. I hope God reunites me and him quite soon, cause only God knows how much I love this man, and I’d like to be his partner, his teammate for the rest of our lives. Thank you Arditya :’)


One Response to “Blessing(s) in disguise”

  1. Ferrial Pondrafi Says:

    i think you’re the luckiest girl in the world sista. having so patience and romantic boyfriend like him. 🙂

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