Lately I find myself quite incapable of making quality, deep, and thoughtful post about what’s going on with this world. Maybe I spoil my brain too much by overthinking useless stuffs, who knows. There’s nothing new about me, except the fact that I just dislocated my knee and had an awfully sore muscle-joint (I think I still do, whenever I move too much). I also have some wonderful news as well: I finally have someone to share my feelings with, someone who is willing to take me as I am and tries to reciprocate my love for him and I’m super thankful to God for having him in my life. I’ll leave the details later, after having our second date, I’ll tell you (if there is any of you who is wiling to read this and itty bitty things about me) later as I don’t feel like talking about romance at present.
I was trying to read Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale while listening to Manchester Orchestra but then some disturbing thoughts about people creeped in –it’s even still lingering on– so I have to write these things.
There are times when I don’t understand about myself, and people in general. If you ask me to describe this in details, I’m afraid I’m going to fail cause it just exists there, without me being able to tell about it. Sometimes people’s thoughts are so ugly, so ugly cause they say it loudly and it echoes here and there. They say it, thus making the thoughts appear twice uglier. If I have such thoughts, I usually keep it to myself or else bitch about it with one person (usually my bf) and we’ll try to see it from other perspectives. It is ridiculous, sometimes, to know what people are up to, what they are trying to achieve *socially* by posting daily updates on social sites etcetera. What they’re trying to imply from their heavy-complicated conversation.
Most of the times, I struggle to satisfy people’s curiosity about my life, trying to please them by being nice. But other times, I get annoyed too. Maybe I’m too easily annoyed but my reaction depends on how you talk to me/ask me things. Do I sound selfish? But what can I do, this is how I perceive information. I am, here, trying to put an effort to be wise too, you know. It’s not easy to see myself as flawed person that becomes a member of society with diverse backgrounds and such. There are some ground rules we need to understand in living with people: that we should be nice and respect each others. These two principles go well in textbooks but practically it is hard to maintain. Really. I sometimes still find myself drifting away from social responsibility as to keep them pleased but heeey, we can’t always please everyone.
I don’t feel like talking more. Tomorrow I have to go out, getting my ordered book and trying to work my ordered articles someplace else.
To conclude this post, I feel thankful overall for everything I’ve got so far, for the love I’ve received, for people who want me to be in their lives. This post is just a somewhat sudden reaction toward how I see people around me behave recently. Some of them are judgmental, easily annoyed or annoying, noisy, weird, etcetera. But I’m fully aware too, that somehow I am like them too. People are weird. We are all weird, and unique at the same time.
Song: Manchester Orchestra – I Can Feel A Hot One